You know the saying, “you’re your own worst enemy”, or similarly “we’re our own biggest critic”? Yes, those infamous words that cut right through the BS we’ve been feeding ourselves throughout years of low self-esteem. The only problem is, how often do you take in the real meaning of these phrases? Truly absorb and accept them as a substantial reason behind your lack of confidence? Like me, the answer was probably not all that often, if ever.
One of my biggest disdains in life is to hear myself on a recording or, Lord help us, to allow others to hear myself talking. And yet, when I do, the world keeps turning… It doesn’t mean that it’s any easier, but it does mean most of my perceived fears and anxieties are in my head. The judgments that are coming from me are far more damaging and opinionated than others are.
How I perceive myself is miles apart from how others do. I always know that but believing it took years of focus, love, and dedication to myself. Heck, every time I feel like I’ve conquered the fear, a new opportunity usually shows up and allows me, when I am open to it, to take it on again and grow through it.
If you think that “If I don’t give others the chance to see or hear me, there’s nothing for them to judge” is the fool-proof way to live a happy life. You’re Wrong. So wrong. It’s a life of avoidance and playing small.
When I started listening to others’ stories and fears of being an entrepreneur, I realized that so many of us have the same fears, same doubts, and are putting on a brave face to the public. This takes effort and energy and can feel incredibly lonely, which usually reinforces the thought that we are the only ones who are struggling. And that is not true. When I started, I made one bad decision after another. Always interested in what others were telling me to do, but never discovered what I wanted to do or giving it the time to be implemented.
I’m a creative spirit and love to move forward fast. But internal anxieties had me feeling like my marketing clients were all just sitting at their computer questioning my inability to get it to them immediately. The solution, I worked long hours just to comply with my own judgmental internal expectations, not those of others. It wasn’t until later on when I was comfortable with myself and my path that I was able to love and understand the person I saw staring back at me in the mirror. A strong, smart, talented woman, that others had been seeing all along. The professional and independent crafter they already knew me as.
Recognizing my own greatness has softened the blows when they come as well. The more I honor and respect myself, the easier it is for me to take criticism and make changes. Why? Because I’m not anticipating it while chewing my fingernails- anxious for the next shoe to drop. Now, I focus on on-going communication, expectations, and planning understanding that adjustments are normal and will come in the natural flow of my work and personal life. You can too. It is within you to find yourself at this place of internal peace if you’re not already there. And if you need a helping hand to guide you along the way, I am here for you – just say the word
For the Record
Finding confidence in the way I look and sound developed into something much different from what I expected. For me, I would be quite stuck inside my head. and outward was able to listen and not worry about what I was going to say or that I needed to say something to be valuable. Instead, I learned to allow others to succeed, lead, and be noticed. I was their coach, mentor, and friend. It was so much more than being that charismatic person who everyone wanted to meet as soon as they walked into the room. YOUR confidence will show up for you the way that is most authentic to you.
Remember, it takes effort to make a change – to rebuild a habit into a healthier one. One big example of my continued battle for that oh-so-good feeling of confidence is making these videos for my Rebrand You program… you know the one I wrote and am coaching others through? Filming myself and then playing the videos back is hard for me, but the more I do it and the more I focus on my Power Statement “I am Important & My Voice Matters”. The more I can stop judging myself; how my hair looks, how my voice sounds, the slight stammer in certain words. Instead of becoming my worst critic, I see it as a message that is better than me and hold importance.
So, what do I do? I push through it. Overcome my anxieties and discomfort because I know my purpose is bigger than my fears. My purpose: Is to help others find their voices so they can make a difference – is what matters most to me. In order to help others throughout my Rebrand You Coaching programs, I have to first face my own negative internal dialogue with confidence that what I am doing means so much more than my self-doubt.
You have to be your own best friend in this world so when you catch your mind turning against you, gently remind it whose team it’s on. Team YOU. Gently pushing through is the same as resilience and perseverance. Another way to say it, get comfortable being uncomfortable. It really is ok, but you have to determine how much you can take on, at that given moment.
Affirming your intrinsic self, celebrating your wins, and “pushing through” the negative self-talk until you get to the other side.
It’s self-dedication and effort – I know. But you will never regret feeling good about who you are. Ever.